Monkey Business

Behold the agile chimpanzee
swing easily from tree to tree
He sees no reason he should be
related in any way to me
I am quite sure the Chimpanzee
would deny vociferously
That men spring from his family tree.
Regard it as stupidity.
A claim which has to be denied.
Which touches on his family pride
the chimpanzees are satisfied
that followers of Darwin lied
Despite the similarities
men aren’t as wise as chimpanzees.

28-Mar-08

poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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Chimpanzees are endangered. Severely.

quote by Russell Banks
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Chimp Impressions

Chimp champion, ace trouble shooter,
was placed face value by recruiter
responding to a French commuter
hypnotised by his computer
in urgent need of astute tutor,
of good repute that none refute, ah!

No reputation absoluter
existed - fact that few disputer.
Sex undetermined, yet not neuter
for some said there was never cuter
while some there was none dissoluter,
yet others that it lacked apt suitor:
moot point as cousin lived in Utah.

Imp chimp upon a rapid scooter
soon throttled up and sped en route a
hand on wheel and one on hooter,
set out to check computer router
with monkey wrench, nuts, bolts minuter,

[...] Read more

poem by Jonathan Robin
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The Day of the Chimp (rictameter)

Some day,
A chimpanzee
Would try to read a book,
Much like how human beings do!
But how much it would understand- who knows?
That too, on ‘Origin of Man’!
And scratch its head, ‘Poor man,
Let chimps train him
Some day! ’

By Dr John Celes 3-31-2008

poem by John Celes
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I don't think I'm a celebrity. A chimpanzee could have done what I did.

quote by Mark David Chapman
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The Unicorn

A long time ago, when the earth was green
and there was more kinds of animals than you've ever seen,
and they run around free while the world was bein' born,
and the lovliest of all was the Unicorn.

There was green alligators and long-neck geese.
There was humpy bumpy camels and chimpanzees.
There was catsandratsandelephants, but sure as you're born
the lovliest of all was the Unicorn.

But the Lord seen some sinnin', and it caused him pain.
He says, 'Stand back, I'm gonna make it rain.'
He says, 'Hey Brother Noah, I'll tell ya whatcha do.
Go and build me a floatin' zoo.

And you take two alligators and a couple of geese,
two humpy bumpy camels and two chimpanzees.
Take two catsandratsandelephants, but sure as you're born,
Noah, don't you forget my Unicorn.'

[...] Read more

poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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Simian King

Raised a great army, the Simian King
Gorillas, chimps, orangs and baboons
Commanded them, “Kill all living things”
They went to war, led by evil Tribunes

(Monkey see...monkey do George Jr)

ROTMS

poem by Ray Lucero
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Brainwashin' Our Fighting Boys

Somebody's been
Brainwashin' our fighting boys
Somebody's been
Deprogramming them so they won't fight anymore
They're searching for the missing chimp
But they won't find him
The missing chimp is sewing gimp with me
He won't fight because
Somebody's been
Brainwashin' our fighting boys
Somebody's been
Deprogramming them so they won't fight anymore
They're safe and sound
With its arms akimbo
Little legs are danglin'
In the pond, its big toe
Brainwashin' our fighting boys
Somebody's been
Deprogramming them so they won't fight anymore
They've been forced to live

[...] Read more

song performed by They Might Be Giants
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My agent sent me the script and I loved it. I wondered how they would turn me into a chimp. My agent said it would probably not entail to much time. Just some hair and make-up. I found out that it was not so simple.

quote by Kim Hunter
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We've no use for intellectuals in this outfit. What we need is chimpanzees. Let me give you a word of advice: never say a word to us about being intelligent. We will think for you, my friend. Don't forget it.

quote by Louis-Ferdinand Celine
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Matriarchy is biological

Dogs are in fight over their female.
Monkeys are in fight over their female.
So are men, who hence invented the civilization
And patriarchy. Pygmy Chimpanzees
And aboriginals still practice matriarchy.
19.11.2000, Pmdi.

poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
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Ham Epitaph

H am
A ided
M ans' spatial
E nlightenment.
P ioneer worker
I n weightless conditions.
T he first chimpanzee to push
A lever in outer space, thus
P roving that, perhaps a man could too.
H am aided Mans' spatial enlightenment.

poem by Diane Hine
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Curious

The chimpanzee could not believe
The mirror that he saw...
It had some magic to deceive
And trick him once before...
The chimpanzee reflected on
The one who made no noise.
The copycat, the clever con...
The one so full of ploys.
How does he copy what I do?
He moves left just like me!
As I move right, then he does, too!
He does it so quickly!
If I jump up, or I jump down,
Or wave my arms about,
Or show my teeth, or snarl, or frown,
He somehow works it out!
I walk away then I run back!
He meets me face-to-face!
I'd like to give him such a smack,
Yet one who's hit repays!

[...] Read more

poem by Denis Martindale
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Monkey Business

The markets up, the Markets down
For weeks it just meanders.
Alas, my stocks are always down
Each time I take a gander.

GM, Lehman, Citicorp
My broker bought for me-
And you can guess the net result-
IHe bought a yacht, not me.

Those friends who don’t avoid me
Say I’ve reversed Midas’ touch.
I don’t turn things I touch to gold
I turn gold into rust.

I’d heard dart tossing Simians
Can best the S & P
So I went to the Zoo this March
to consult a Chimpanzee.

[...] Read more

poem by John F. McCullagh
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Crimson Tears

The crimson tears of benevolent chimpanzees
Have mingled with the raindrops falling fom your eyes,
I've always loved you and I'm begging on my knees
That you won't con me with some ingenious disguise.

I need you now, I need you very much,
I nearly had a heart attack for you,
I need to feel your little breasts and touch
That virgin forest hidden from my view!

A monkey twists its chain of silver keys
And tells me what to see and what to do,
His laughter drifts like music on the breeze,
How can I weep when all I see is you?

the time has come when Romeo must kiss
His Juliet, and she must be his bride.
Don't treat him cruelly because he longs for this
Don't drive him to his final suicide!

[...] Read more

poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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A Cargo of Sins

A sojourn in the sleep,
Led me to the valley deep,
I passed through forest thick,
And high hills and crests,
Along with a saintly guide whom I never knew.

I was led to the front of a cave,
With a huge arched entrance,
It seemed a long dark channel
Connecting to the other zone.

I saw men of massive size,
Entering into and pouring out;
They resembled chimpanzees more than the human figures.
All dressless, and moved with uncovered limbs,
With no sense of shame or disgrace.

Then I saw descending from the steps,
Men and women, all naked,
With cargoes upon their backs.

[...] Read more

poem by Muhammad Shanazar
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Hot Gossip

Amazing how some get their thrills
Reading about Macca and Heather Mills
Or the latest news of Posh & Becks
And which of the stars gets lots of sex!

Quite frankly I don't give a damn
About gossip or the latest scam -
I'd rather be a chimpanzee
Than a famous icon on T.V!

poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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A Chimpanzee cries in the cage

When I was passing the chinchilla's wire enclosure in the Zoo
I heard a deep cry like a Man's voice,
And when I turned back,
Then I saw a Chimpanzee cries in its cage;
'You resembled my eldest brother Sir
Who's shot dead in the second World War.'

*Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations.
-Faith Baldwin

poem by Nimal Dunuhinga
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A Most Unusual Wedding

Because the bridegroom couldn’t be found
the bride was driven continually around.
Dickie and Melanie were marrying in style;
the first chimpanzees to walk down the aisle.

A reception at the classiest hotel Torbay,
followed by a honeymoon in Zimbabwe.
The best-man also named Dickie was with the groom,
but in a nearby hospital waiting room.

Earlier that morning there had been an accident,
which left the groom’s legs broken and bent.
The best-man phoned Melanie to let her know,
so off to the hospital she did quickly go.

With both legs now in traction and suffering with pain,
Dickie the groom did his best to explain.
He also suggested that the wedding should go ahead
and she should marry the best-man instead.

[...] Read more

poem by Orlando Belo
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We Met In A Freezer

Vaporize me when I am ailing, pretty,
As golden as the ripest cooked chicken.
I have reentered my room of chickens,
Chills are learnt, it is the chimp.
My chin knows the damp style of weather,
My fridge I enter escaped me from the start,
My chinbone knocks hard with the furniture
Of ice and icicles, I have entered the future
Of cold weather, the real freezer.
Please me when you are vapour or ice,
Ice is all I am now, now that the man with the gun
Is against my leg and arm.

poem by Naveed Akram
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