I don't know what my appeal is. I can see I've got blue eyes and don't look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame but I can't understand the fuss.

quote by Rutger Hauer
Added by Veronica Serbanoiu
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An Eternal Étudiante

Ah, tiara on my head, approved by my colleagues
I opened an SMS to be informed our class has been
cancelled for this afternoon, now doing sentences
we would have done in class but there is no joy, one
needs an enthusiastic trainer to suffer repetition of
grammar rules in meaningless sentences

The only fun I have is to change my name and address
in an application to become an actress - comédienne -
yet I could never could be one, when strangers look at
me I sprout horns and turn into a hunchback - I might
get a role as the Hunchback of Notre Dame but this is
hardly something on which I wish to base my fame

So I shall remain a traductrice, an eternal étudiante

"traductrice" = translator
"étudiante" = student

poem by Margaret Alice Second
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Shape-Change

A conspiracy of mites, dust and allergy makes life
a misery – I am either very happy outside wearing
magical sandals or sitting in the depths of despair
in an air-conditioned office where I shape-change

into Quasimodo, hunchback, gnarled fingers, warts –
oh wait, that’s witches, I also become the Gingerbread
Witch of Hansel and Gretel, it’s why I identify with Alice
in Wonderland, eating anything marked ‘eat me’

breathing pollen, house-mites and dust-laden air
changes me from hour to hour, I can only be a
dancing fairy outside – any building changes me
into a variety of horror story characters - though

I don’t mind being a vampire or witch as long as
I can fly, but changing into Quasimodo
makes me want to cry …

poem by Margaret Alice Second
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Much Ado About Nothing

If all these great writers
were still alive in these days
I believe they'd be Soccer fans
and write about it in books and plays.
Shakespeare predicts a Winter of Discontent
after watching Coventry City play
performances that are Much Ado About Nothing
and a Comedy of Errors home and away.
Dickens writes about fans Great Expectations
for their team wearing Sky Blue
but alas he forsees a season of Hard Times
if they don't start picking up a point or two.
Victor Hugo says fans are feeling Les Miserables
with shoulders drooped like the Hunchback of Notre-Dame
while Orwell says they'd rather watch Big Brother
or stay in and read his book Animal Farm.
But Shakespeare tells us fans not to fret
he's not really writing off our football team
in fact he predicts a top six finish
because he saw it in a Midsummer Nights Dream!

poem by Kevin Halls
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Quasi Moto

(This is a favorite joke I've put to rhyme)

Quasi Moto was a legand
who became a man of fame.
This crippled man was known as
The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Quasi Moto's health was failing.
He was old and growing frail,
so they hired an apprentice
he would teach to ring the bell.

This poor apprentice fellow
really wasn't very bright,
but at least he was determined
he could learn to do it right.

They climbed up to the bell tower.
(A steep climb that isn't fun)

[...] Read more

poem by Ron Tranmer
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Makes You Laugh and Cry At the Same Time-2

Quasimodo was in the stocks
and Esmeralda felt pity for him
and gave him water.

They release him
and he tries to get back to the church.
He has to run the gauntlet of the crowd
who spit on him
beat him as he passes
curse him,
bloody him.

He gets the church door
staggering
as rocks pummel him from behind
and slams the doors
and with his back to the door
raises his hand to cover his mouth
and murmurs'

[...] Read more

poem by Lonnie Hicks
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The Sins Of Memphisto

From the bells of st mary
To the count of monte cristo
Nothing can stop
Nothing can stop
Nothing can stop
The sins of memphisto
Sally used to play with her hula hoops
Now she tells her problems to therapy groups
Grampas on the front lawn staring at a rake
Wondering if his marriage was a terrible mistake
Im sitting on the front steps drinking orange crush
Wondering if its possible if I could still blush
Uh huh oh yeah
A boy on a bike with courduroy slacks
Sleeps in the river by the railroad tracks
He waits for the whistle on the train to scream
So he can close his eyes and begin to dream
Uh huh oh yeah
The hands on his watch spin slowly around
With his mind on a bus that goes all over town

[...] Read more

song performed by John Prine
Added by Lucian Velea
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Sins Of Memphisto

From the bells of St Mary
To the Count of Monte Cristo
Nothing can stop
Nothing can stop
Nothing can stop
The sins of Memphisto
Sally used to play with her hula hoops
Now she tells her problems to therapy groups
Grampa's on the front lawn staring at a rake
Wondering if his marriage was a terrible mistake
I'm sitting on the front steps drinking orange crush
Wondering if it's possible if I could still blush
Uh huh Oh yeah
A boy on a bike with courderoy slacks
Sleeps in the river by the railroad tracks
He waits for the whistle on the train to scream
So he can close his eyes and begin to dream
Uh huh Oh yeah
The hands on his watch spin slowly around
With his mind on a bus that goes all over town

[...] Read more

song performed by John Prine
Added by Lucian Velea
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Sanctuary

Your world full of creeps
Zombies walk the street
9 to 5 barely alive
Have a beer go to sleep
And start all over again

Same gray suit
Same round shoes
Same headache
Same pills
He goes home thinks about suicide
But hes got his diploma
Got to give him that

I got a radical place
Got my own private space
It's my sanctuary
It's the castle of doom
I'm the king of my room
Just a Quasimodo

[...] Read more

song performed by Alice Cooper from Brutal Planet
Added by Lucian Velea
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Mon Aime

Happy Birthday to you, 'mon amie'
It's easier written down than said to wife
Happy Birthday to you every day
And to myself for being part of your life

Happy Birthday to you, 'desiree'
Shimmering brighter than Eiffel's twinkled lights
As years float by like barques on the Seine
My fondest and wildest dreams ring true this night

Happy Birthday to you, 'mon cheri'
My heart high-kicks in its cancan cabaret
Arms entwined we waltz the Champs-Elysess
Lifetimes come full circle in a single day

Happy Birthday from this 'Pope of Fools'
Your Quasimodo rings bells he cannot hear
This 'half-made' thief hoards his purloined jewel
My charming Esmerelda, I hold so dear

[...] Read more

poem by Voice of One Jerry Buckley
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A Love's Remains

Cobble stones
are his tears,
his monuments;

I hear
ragged air
flapping
over his garments
as he falls-
her face before him.

She gave him water;
clothed him.

His gnarled heart
sang for her,

his flight-
swan death down-
because of her;

[...] Read more

poem by Lonnie Hicks
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Quasimodo

The taxi slowed at the lights
and I spotted her.
Our paths crossed again,
for just a short time.

For warmth,
she'd wrap up in newspaper,
shuffling by,
rummaging through bins.

If you spoke to her,
she'd scurry off,
in short, stilted steps,
my little Quasimodo.

All bent she'd
glance, sideways,
scared, but defiant,
swearing at you, cursing

[...] Read more

poem by Ruth Walters
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Desolation Row

They're selling postcards of the hanging
They're painting the passports brown
The beauty parlor is filled with sailors
The circus is in town here comes the blind commissioner
They've got him in a trance one hand is tied to the tight-rope walker
The other is in his pants and the riot squad they're restless
They need somewhere to go as Lady and I look out tonight
From Desolation Row.
Cinderella, she seems so easy
"It takes one to know one," she smiles
And puts her hands in her back pockets
Bette Davis style and in comes Romeo, he's moaning
"You Belong to Me I Believe"
And someone says, "You're in the wrong place, my friend
You Better leave" and the only sound that's left
After the ambulances go is Cinderella sweeping up
On Desolation Row
Now the moon is almost hidden the stars are beginning to hide
the fortune telling lady Has even taken all her things inside
All except for Cain and Abel and the hunchback of Notre Dame

[...] Read more

song performed by Grateful Dead
Added by Lucian Velea
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Kinky

(ronnie hawkins)
I had me a wearied dream, seen me a wearied scene,
When I seen what I saw, couldnt sit still,
Nero was kissing on buffalo bill.
Let it roll, let it roll, let it roll one time for me.
When it gets too kinky for the rest of the world
Its getting just right for me.
There was rhinestone whips and midgets,
Quasimodo was jerking in hard.
I seen a tribe of pygmies doing their thing
Riding in on saint-bernards.
Let it roll, let it roll, let it roll one time for me.
When it gets too kinky for the rest of the world
Its getting just right for me.
Whew!
There was shetland ponies and bulldogs,
Jockstraps and cowboy boots,
Forty-seven miles of tennis shoe tongue
And thirteen pair of shoes.
Let it roll, let it roll, let it roll one time for me.

[...] Read more

song performed by Kinky Friedman
Added by Lucian Velea
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Cello More Important Than Life

Your righteous indignation at my making two mistakes
that merely disturbed your complacency authorises you
to swear at me and sets you free from any need to apologise,
in this house I must reiterate how sorry I am and write letters
explaining why I messed up and became guilty of high treason
and should be shot for multiple shortcomings, the situation is
so bizarre it makes me laugh - Mein Herr Marquis, ein Mann
wie Sie … drum verzeihen Sie wenn ich lache - ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha [Die Fledermaus]

Your injured dignity forces you to ignore me pointedly - fine,
after laughing to my heart's content, the screensaver that gives
meaning to everyday routine, Timothy Dalton as 007 - The
Living Daylights - keeps my mind occupied; while you steam
and froth at the mouth, presenting like Le Malade Imaginaire
of Molière, waiting to execute me with the guillotine of your
mouth - I happily watch 007 rise to the occasion as he con-
fronts the KJB - while you prepare the devastating speech
that is meant to change me into Quasimodo himself

[...] Read more

poem by Margaret Alice Second
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Desolation Row

Theyre selling postcards of the hanging
Theyre painting the passports brown
The beauty parlor is filled with sailors
The circus is in town
Here comes the blind commissioner
Theyve got him in a trance
One hand is tied to the tight-rope walker
The other is in his pants
And the riot squad theyre restless
They need somewhere to go
As lady and I look out tonight
From desolation row
Cinderella, she seems so easy
It takes one to know one, she smiles
And puts her hands in her back pockets
Bette davis style
And in comes romeo, hes moaning
You belong to me I believe
And someone says, youre in the wrong place, my friend
You better leave

[...] Read more

song performed by Bob Dylan
Added by Lucian Velea
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Help The Nile-Crocodile Survive

Eating in a new restaurant where the chips were
sprinkled with spices; I should have sent it back,
but I didn’t; now another sleepless night with my
back and neck in a terrible knot, stomach burning
and my head stuffed with cotton; with cold spells
and fevers; it is the very last time I eat what I’m
offered with strange condiments; in future I’ll refuse,
not caring about offending; given the corporeal
punishment inflicted by food - I feel like dying

I am so tired; the Nile-Crocodile is reduced to
primitive reptilian survival; the Ice-Princess is
crying all life is vain; Cinderella is writhing in pain,
Alice has been changed into a prototype Quasimodo;
maybe the stuff that I eat shuts off part of my brain –
I can’t even do any addition; at school I was branded
a fool; at varsity I was the local dunce; every test
taken under allergic conditions and I never knew
I thought life was supposed to be this painful

[...] Read more

poem by Margaret Alice
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Boom

Yo bloodhound gang and rob van winkle together on this track
Stop as we drop this bomb
Blow up this place like another vietnam
Heavy like a tyson blow to the dome
Back up son give me room give me room
To set it off like this dont give it up
Im all up in you till you just cant get enough
Real hard to the bone you want more
I sneak up on you like a sniper at your back door
Phat flavor for your brain you know the time
So check the wrath its for real Im gonna get mine
Roll up on you like eastwood
Blowing up fifteens as Im riding through your neighborhood
I spreads butter like parkay
Real smooth with the flow and even when I parlay
Do what you feel and check the skill
Im in your grill peep this I got the raw deal
In your jeep cherokee or land cruiser
When youre rolling through the hood you want use a
Track like this all up in your eardrum

[...] Read more

song performed by Vanilla Ice
Added by Lucian Velea
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Boom

Yo Bloodhound Gang and Rob Van Winkle together on this track

Stop as we drop this bomb
Blow up this place like another Vietnam
Heavy like a Tyson blow to the dome
Back up son give me room give me room
To set it off like this don't give it up
I'm all up in you till you just can't get enough
Real hard to the bone you want more
I sneak up on you like a sniper at your back door
Phat flavor for your brain you know the time
So check the wrath it's for real I'm gonna get mine
Roll up on you like Eastwood
Blowing up fifteens as I'm riding through your neighborhood
I spreads butter like Parkay
Real smooth with flow and even when I parlay
Do what you feel and check the skill
I'm in your grill peep this I got the raw deal
I'm in your Jeep Grand Cherokee or Land Cruiser
When you're rolling through the hood you want to use a

[...] Read more

song performed by Bloodhound Gang from One Fierce Beer Coaster
Added by Lucian Velea
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My Eyes Are Getting Better

My eyes are getting better
as I get older
despite the sunspots
and leggy eclipses
and when I look back
I can see further than I ever did
except it isn't the light
that illuminates things any more
it's time
and that's a whole other palette
with colours of its own
wavelengths faster than light.
When you see things with your eyes
the past may be red deepening into black
and the future a furious white-blue
that pushes the darkness back
a T Tauri star or two
but when you see things
with the whole of your being
it isn't time that's passing

[...] Read more

poem by Patrick White
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