I Cant Watch This

I cant watch this. I cant watch this
I cant watch this. I cant watch this
My my my my tv makes me so bored
Makes me say, oh my lord
What is this garbage here?
Wanna cover my eyes and plug my ears
It sucks, and thats no lie
Its about as much fun as watching paint dry
Lowers my iq one notch
And thats the reason why, uh, I cant watch
I told you homeboy... I cant watch this
Yeah, nothin but trash and you know...
I cant watch this
Poke out my eyes, man... I cant watch this
Yo, gimme that remote control... I cant watch this
Talkin bout sick shows
Teres americas funniest home videos
I cant believe my eyes
When I see the kind of stuff that wins first prize
Somebodys poor old mom

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song performed by Weird Al Yankovic
Added by Lucian Velea
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Memories of Eighty-Five

I. ‘A macramé plant hangs close to her bed

A macramé plant hangs close to her bed
on the eiderdown she lays stretched out,
at times as in deep thought or prayer
when the swimming pool draws you through the window
with dull blue water covering it,
inside lays burned brown a sun goddess
and her eyes swallow me alive
when she understands, knows me for whom I am,
loving me with passion from the start,
loving me through light and darkness.

II. The summer sun hangs white and hot over the sea

The summer sun hangs white and hot over the sea,
the sand is white and soft where the sea washes out
her smile and conversations carries me off
when I am caught in her beauty

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poem by Gert Strydom
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Suicide Underground

Everyone dated the demise of our neighborhood from the suicide of the lisbon girls.
People saw their clairvoyance in the wiped-out elms and harsh sunlight.
Some thought the torture tearing the lisbon girls pointed to a simple refusal to accept the world as it was handed down to them:
So full of flaws.
But the only thing we are certain of after all these years is the insufficiency of explanations.
Obviously doctor, youve never been a thirteen year-old girl.
The lisbon girls were 13, cecile, 14, lux, 15, bonnie, 16, mary, and 17, therese.
No one could understand how mrs. lisbon and mr. lisbon, a math teacher, had produced such beautiful creatures.
From that time one, the lisbon house began to change.
Almost every day, and even when she wasnt keeping an eye on cecilia,
Lux would suntan on her towel wearing a swimsuit that caused the knife-sharpener to give her a 15-minute demonstration for free.
The only reliable boy who got to know lux was trip fontaine
For only 18 months before the suicides had emerged from baby fat
To the delight of girls and mothers alike.
But few anticipated it would be so drastic.
The girls were pulled out of school, and mrs. lisbon shut the house for maximum security isolation.
The girls only contact to the outside world was through the catalogs
They ordered that started to fill the lisbons mailbox with pictures of high-end fashions and brochures for exotic vacations.
Unable to go anywhere, the girls traveled in their imaginations:
To gold-tipped siamese temples or past an old man, the leaf broom tidying the [maws] carpeted [speck] of japan (? ? ? ).

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song performed by Air
Added by Lucian Velea
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Goin' Back To Cali

I'm going back to Cali, Cali, Cali
I'm going back to Cali.. hmm, I don't think so
I'm going back to Cali, Cali, Cali
I'm going back to Cali.. I don't think so
Going back to Cali, stylin, profilin
Growlin, and smilin, while in the sun
The top is down, on the black Corvette
And it's fly, cause it's sittin on Dayton's
Laurents steering wheel, plushed out, gold-leaf phantom top
and three girls waiting
VRRRROOM engine's blowin, the chrome, is shining
Passing all the cars on the way
Movement of the wind, back wheels spin
Pop in a cassette and push play
I'm going back to Cali, Cali, Cali
I'm going back to Cali - yea y'all, I don't think so
I'm going back to Cali, Cali, Cali
I'm going back to Cali..
I'm going back to Cali, shakin 'em, bakin 'em
Takin 'em to spots they never before hung

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song performed by LL Cool J
Added by Lucian Velea
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All I Want For Christmas Is A Real Good Tan

Ooooh, don't you think it's a pretty good plan
All I want for Christmas is a real good tan
All I want for Christmas is a real good tan
Take me to the islands
Put my feet in the sand
Rockin' to and fro with the rhythm of the ocean
Singin' silent night with the palm trees a blowin'
Ooooh, don't you think it's a pretty good plan
All I want for Christmas is a real good tan
Well if you're thinkin' bout gettin' me a present this year
Let me put a bug in your cute little ear
How about two tickets to a tropical show
Where we don't have to wear these winter clothes anymore
Instead of turkey we'll have mahi mahi grillin'
And pina colodas in the blender chillin'
All I want for Christmas is a real good tan
Take me to the islands
Put my feet in the sand
Singin' silent night with the palm trees a blowin'
Ooooh, don't you think it's a pretty good plan

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song performed by Kenny Chesney
Added by Lucian Velea
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It's Great When You Get In

They told me the water was lovely,
That I ought to go for a swim,
The air was maybe a trifle cool,
"You won't mind it when you get in"
So I journeyed cheerfully beach-ward,
And nobody put me wise,
But everyone boosted my courage
With an earful of jovial lies.

The Sound looked cold and clammy,
The water seemed chilly and gray,
But I hastened into my bathing suit
And floundered into the spray.
Believe me, the moment I touched it
I realized then and there,
That the fretful sea was not meant for me
But fixed for a polar bear.

I didn't swim for distance
I didn't do the crawl,

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poem by Eugene O'Neill
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Yo Vanilla Kick It One Time Boy

Yo, Vanilla, kick it one time, boy!
Yo, VIP, let's kick it!
Ice Ice Baby
Ice Ice Baby
All right stop
Collaborate and listen
Ice is back with my brand new invention
Something grabs a hold of me tightly
Then I flow that a harpoon daily and nightly
Will it ever stop?
Yo, I don't know
Turn off the lights and I'll glow
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle
Dance
Bum rush the speaker that booms
I'm killin your brain like a poisonous mushroom
Deadly, when I play a dope melody
Anything less that the best is a felony
Love it or leave it

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song performed by Vanilla Ice
Added by Lucian Velea
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Into You

Babygirl (Ill really like)
Desert storm (yeah)
I cant really explain it
Im so into you now
I wanna be more than a friend to you now
When they ask, I mention my babygirl in the interviews now
And I dont bring the problems from the 90s and the 2 thou
Theres no reason to have a friend or two now
Cuz the kids ready to tell you how he feel and a few vows
Maybe I speak in general now
But girl, imma do whatever just to keep a grin on u now
Where I roll, they wear bikinis in the winter too now
What you think about tan lines on the skin of you now?
Why wouldnt I wanna spend a few thou
On fifth ave, shopping sprees and them dinners to chow
I aint concerned with other men with you now
As long as when I slide up in you, you growl
And any dude with you, he better be a king to you now
And I aint jealous, its the principle now
Im so into you

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song performed by Fabolous
Added by Lucian Velea
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Ice Ice Baby

(vanilla ice, earthquake, m. smooth)
Yo, vip, lets kick it!
Ice ice baby, ice ice baby
All right stop, collaborate and listen
Ice is back with my brand new invention
Something grabs a hold of me tightly
Then I flow like a harpoon daily and nightly
Will it ever stop? yo -- I dont know
Turn off the lights and Ill glow
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle.
Dance, bum rush the speaker that booms
Im killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom
Deadly, when I play a dope melody
Anything less than the best is a felony
Love it or leave it, you better gain way
You better hit bulls eye, the kid dont play
If there was a problem, yo, Ill solve it
Check out the hook while my dj revolves it
Ice ice baby vanilla, ice ice baby vanilla

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song performed by Vanilla Ice
Added by Lucian Velea
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Ice Ice Baby

(vanilla ice, earthquake, m. smooth)
Yo, vip, lets kick it!
Ice ice baby, ice ice baby
All right stop, collaborate and listen
Ice is back with my brand new invention
Something grabs a hold of me tightly
Then I flow like a harpoon daily and nightly
Will it ever stop? yo -- I dont know
Turn off the lights and Ill glow
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle.
Dance, bum rush the speaker that booms
Im killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom
Deadly, when I play a dope melody
Anything less than the best is a felony
Love it or leave it, you better gain way
You better hit bulls eye, the kid dont play
If there was a problem, yo, Ill solve it
Check out the hook while my dj revolves it
Ice ice baby vanilla, ice ice baby vanilla

[...] Read more

song performed by Vanilla Ice
Added by Lucian Velea
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Don't Worry/Everything's Going to be All Right

Don't worry
If your boyfriend doesn't treat you right
baby
Everything's going to be all right
come with me
And every poem I write will have your name in it
Don't worry
If the factories and villas cover the countryside
Everything's going to be all right
England will be given back to the animals
and we'll find a home under fern leaves known only to foxes
Don't worry
If I can't afford to buy you coffee after school
Everything's going to be all right
Soon the poem will replace the pound sterling as
international currency
and Britain Will get on the poem standard again
Don't worry
About those lunatics in the government
Everything's going to be all right

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poem by Adrian Henri
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Coolin'

Coolin' in Miami one summer day
Drivin down the streets along the bay
My girls' hair's blowin' in the breeze
Her skin's gettin' tanned 'cause it's 90 degrees
I took her home and met the homeboys
Before gettin' bored we'll avoid the noid
Went to Opa Locka, jumped in Luke's jet
To the Bahamas and Mixx said, "Bet"
We landed in Naussau, when walkin downtown
We met four females, all of were down
Went to the beach on Paradise Isle
We played water sports and had sex for a while
Before we knew it it was time to go
'cause the very next day we had a show
We'll let the people see that 2 Live is rulin'
(Now back to the crib where we'll be coolin')
Coolin' with the posse, playin' it hard
Rollin' two deep as I drop the top
Beams from the sun light up the city
As I roll through sidin', sittin real pretty

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song performed by 2 Live Crew
Added by Lucian Velea
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Moms A Surfer

Yo, my mom was a surfer
She surfed the big old waves
In avalon new jersey
She had a big ole brown board
With red stripes
Back in the day on the beach
When the break was right
Shell make you tight
Shell do the mashed potato
And the buckaroo
When she was inside the tube
Her legs was renewed
She was juice
And loose with her caboose in the bikini
All the fellas would whine
That she gets all the waves
And she looks so fine and pretty
So I wrote a ditty
In the days that I walked on the earth
Thats right, I said my mom can surf

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song performed by G. Love & Special Sauce
Added by Lucian Velea
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She Walks Outside Away

Old,
old man walks up to a little\large girl, lolly pops.
Inside,
she walks inside
after the grandpa pa 'said' sympathetic attention,
natural spurts her growth.
Attention is paid to the mask and
grandpa pa, must ask.
Grand-daughter 'dear' it is hardly a mask.
Seen by 'I' many are 'cut's' and deep smiles and
the moon is pale and full, hardly alone, come here.
But Grandpa pa it is only one swimming pool
high are the sides, no one can see, inside.
With my 'trusting' friends from school.
A small swimming pool, why a worry my mask?
Thinking 'she'
who the old imbecile and must he think it is.
Fresh, clean and full and
with the articles of they attention to my, around it;
They a swimming pool my attention obtained.

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poem by Is It Poetry
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My version of Ginsberg's America.

Against the filthy politics found in America and against the actions of it's dispicable governments.

America tell Coloumbus to fook off, take his smallpox and Capitalism with him.
America, you've swallowed your national mythology like pancakes and syrup.
America, Land where eugenics was tried

America, Land where the native americans cried
America, Land where warmongering thrives
America, you think you're the world police.
America, you were duped by a Christian to believe he's the prince of peace and now a black man convinces you the same.
America, your obsession with religion is insane.

America, I hope your guilt drives you to suicide, having to stare into the eyes of the children of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
America, I hope the masterminds of the Manhattan Project are suffering like they should.
America, your dream is as fake as Hollywood.
America, what the hell happened in Zuccotti Park?
America, you actually have a exhibition dedicated to Noah's ark?
America, where is this democracy you're trying to spread?

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poem by Scott Forster
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The Demon Horse On The Carousel

The trucks came in with the travelling show
To the heart of our western town,
They set their tents in the twilight glow
And circled the wagons round,
While we, the boys of the neighbourhood
Were watching with minds alight,
The girls in the pearl bikini’s
Who would brave the trapeze that night!

The light sprang out of a million bulbs
In yellow and pink and green,
Lighting the booths of the grinning clowns
That you rolled a ball between,
A Carny carolled, ‘A Penny a shy! ’
And leered, with his gold-capped teeth,
Like a hungry shark at the fattest Mark,
But with eyes of a petty thief!

And then the music began to stir
Like a grind from an organ song,

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poem by David Lewis Paget
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License To Chill

(Jimmy Buffett)
Work, work, work
Big pile of it and the boss is a jerk.
I just want to disappear
Wishin' I was somewhere other than here.
Livin' for the weekend,
Jumpin' off the deep end,
With just enough money to buy
A license to chill
And I believe I will
Let the rat race run, roll around in the sun until
Trouble turns funny, songs get sung
A little bit of money, the night's still young
Leave me alone I've got a license,
A license to chill
(Kenny Chesney)
Girls, girls, girls
Ain't nothin' like them in the whole wide world.
So damn smart and cute,
And it's amazing what they pass off as a bathing suit.

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song performed by Jimmy Buffett
Added by Lucian Velea
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Manhattan

Summer journeys to niagra
And to other places aggra-
Vate all our cares.
Well save our fares!
Ive a cozy little flat in
What is known as old manhattan
Well settle down
Right here in town!
Well have manhattan
The bronx and staten
Island too.
Its lovely going through
The zoo!
Its very fancy
On old delancy
Street you know.
The subway charms us so
When balmy breezes blow
To and fro.
And tell me what street

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song performed by Ella Fitzgerald
Added by Lucian Velea
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Part 2 of Trout Fishing in America

ANOTHER METHOD

OF MAKING WALNUT CATSUP

And this is a very small cookbook for Trout Fishing in America

as if Trout Fishing in America were a rich gourmet and

Trout Fishing in America had Maria Callas for a girlfriend

and they ate together on a marble table with beautiful candles.

Compote of Apples

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poem by Richard Brautigan
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Hurry Up Please It's Time

What is death, I ask.
What is life, you ask.
I give them both my buttocks,
my two wheels rolling off toward Nirvana.
They are neat as a wallet,
opening and closing on their coins,
the quarters, the nickels,
straight into the crapper.
Why shouldn't I pull down my pants
and moon the executioner
as well as paste raisins on my breasts?
Why shouldn't I pull down my pants
and show my little cunny to Tom
and Albert? They wee-wee funny.
I wee-wee like a squaw.
I have ink but no pen, still
I dream that I can piss in God's eye.
I dream I'm a boy with a zipper.
It's so practical, la de dah.
The trouble with being a woman, Skeezix,

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poem by Anne Sexton
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