On poor people's beards the young barber learns his trade.

German proverbs
Added by Lucian Velea
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There is always a period when a man with a beard shaves it off. This period does not last. He returns headlong to his beard.

quote by Jean Cocteau
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Old Town Types No. 16 - Mr Tank

'Twice one are two; twice two are four.'
I can still hear it floating thro' the old school door:
Those childish voices falling, rising in rhythmic chant,
In a room where heat is prevalent and ventilation scant.
'Twice nine are eight-teen.' And, presiding o'er the scene,
Like a demon in a 'panto,' blackavised and racked with pain,
Urging on the chorus faster, towers Mr Tank, the master,
With his mutton-chop whiskers and his cane
His cruel, thrice-accursed rattan cane.

Some incurable affliction soured his spirit, it was said;
For, above his brow, an ever-present plaster decked his head.
'Twice one are two; twice two are four -'
And suddenly the master disappeared behind the door.
For 'twas said, too, his affection had instilled a predilection
For too-frequent nips of liquor on the sly now and again.
And they boded fell disaster for gaunt Mr Tank, our master,
With his mutton-chop whiskers and his cane
His ever-swinging, torture-bringing cane.

[...] Read more

poem by Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis
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The cat with cream on her whiskers should have a good excuse ready.

Russian proverbs
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If the scissors are not used daily on the beard, it will not be long before the beard is, by its luxuriant growth, pretending to be the head.

quote by Hakim Jami
Added by Lucian Velea
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Royal Orleans

(bonham/jones/page/plant)
One time love, take care how you use it
Try to make it last all night, and if you take your pick
Be careful how you choose it, sometimes its hard to feel it bite
Feel it bite.
A man I know, went down to louisiana,
Had himself a bad, bad fight
And when the sun peeked through
John cameron with suzanna,
He kissed the whiskers, left & right
Whiskers!
Now, now, now, fright subsides
Out at a hotel in the quarter, our friends check in to pass the night
Now love gets hot, but fire preceded water
Poor whiskers set the room alight.
Whiskers!
Down on bourbon street, you know its right
You can see my friend, they run around all through the night
Most everywhere, until the closets bare
Run for the razor, doin up my hair

[...] Read more

song performed by Led Zeppelin
Added by Lucian Velea
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Santas Beard

Once a year my friend puts on a red suit
And hangs around with me and my wife
Now I cant help but feeling jealous each time she climbs on his knee
And she stands beneath the mistletoe screaming
For him to stand beneath the mistletoe screaming
Now I cant help but feeling jealous each time she climbs on his knee
Why must she climb on his knee?
I saw my baby wearing santas beard
She kissed him once and whispered in his ear
I saw my baby wearing santas beard
I wish he would go
Hes breaking up my home
She always had this twisted side to her*
But shed never drag my name around town
But lately shes been humming cheating songs
And I dont like that fat guy around
No, I dont like that fat guy around
I saw my baby wearing santas beard
She kissed him once and whispered in his ear
I saw my baby wearing santas beard

[...] Read more

song performed by They Might Be Giants
Added by Lucian Velea
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Little beard, little modesty.

Spanish proverbs
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Cliché Attack (for Jan man!)

Like...wow!
She was the cat’s meow!

And upon
divesting herself

of her
night attire

She was most definitely
the cat’s pyjamas!

“Oh! Your beard!
...tickles! ”
She giggles.

She was the cat’s whiskers.
Me?
I thought she was

[...] Read more

poem by Dónall Dempsey
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The King’s Beard

There lived a king with beard so long
And scalp with scarcely hair!
He used a comb and sang a song
And groomed it with great care.

The king was proud of his long beard
That made him look so wise!
The queen, his wife knew he looked weird
And cursed him for its size!

The queen was therefore always sad;
His lip got hid by hair!
But one day, she was rather glad;
She told him, she couldn’t bear!

One day, the king slept while he read
A book that was folklore!
He had a dream asleep in bed;
“His beard had grown some more! ”

[...] Read more

poem by John Celes
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Captain Teach alias Black Beard

Edward Teach was a native of Bristol, and sailed from that port
On board a privateer, in search of sport,
As one of the crew, during the French War in that station,
And for personal courage he soon gained his Captain's approbation.

'Twas in the spring of 1717, Captajn Harnigold and Teach sailed from Providence
For the continent of America, and no further hence;
And in their way captured a vessel laden with flour,
Which they put on board their own vessels in the space of an hour.

They also seized two other vessels snd took some gallons of wine,
Besides plunder to a considerable value, and most of it most costly design;
And after that they made a prize of a large French Guinea-man,
Then to act an independent part Teach now began.

But the news spread throughout America, far and near,
And filled many of the inhabitants' hearts with fear;
But Lieutenant Maynard with his sloops of war directly steered,
And left James River on the 17th November in quest of Black Beard,
And on the evening of the 21st came in sight of the pirate;

[...] Read more

poem by William Topaz McGonagall
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There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who sat on a horse when he reared;
But they said, 'Never mind!
You will fall off behind,
You propitious Old Man with a beard!'

limerick by Edward Lear
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A beard is a symbol of courage.

Klingon proverbs
Added by Lucian Velea
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A Baby With His Whiskers On (Fun Poem 115)

One day a gypsy came to the door
selling a sprig of heather.
Cross my palm with silver
and I’ll make your wish come true.
I gave some silver coins
and she gave me a green and purple pill.
“Take this last thing at night
and tomorrow your wish will be granted.”

I took her green and purple pill
just as she had instructed.
Next morning I awoke still with my whiskers on,
but my poor wife almost had fit
thinking she’d had a baby in the night.
The magic had changed me rapidly
and now I looked only three.

My wish had been to look younger,
it had come very true,
and the magic had turned me

[...] Read more

poem by David Harris
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A beard lathered is half shaved.

Portuguese proverbs
Added by Lucian Velea
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Old Man Whiskery-Whee-Kum-Wheeze

Old Man Whiskery-Whee-Kum-Wheeze
Lives 'way up in the leaves o' trees.
An' wunst I slipped up-stairs to play
In Aunty's room, while she 'uz away;
An' I clumbed up in her cushion-chair
An' ist peeked out o' the winder there;
An' there I saw--wite out in the trees--
Old Man Whiskery-Whee-Kum-Wheeze!

An' Old Man Whiskery-Whee-Kum-Wheeze
Would bow an' bow, with the leaves in the breeze,
An' waggle his whiskers an' raggledy hair,
An' bow to me in the winder there!
An' I 'd peek out, an' he'd peek in
An' waggle his whiskers an' bow ag'in,
Ist like the leaves'u'd wave in the breeze--
Old Man Whiskery-Whee-Kum-Wheeze!

An' Old Man Whiskery-Whee-Kum-Wheeze,
Seem-like, says to me: 'See my bees

[...] Read more

poem by James Whitcomb Riley
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The brains don't lie in the beard.

Romanian proverbs
Added by Lucian Velea
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A beard once washed is half shaven.

Portuguese proverbs
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A beard signifies lice, not brains.

Greek proverbs
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The brains don't like in the beard.

English proverbs
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