I don't enjoy British shows as a rule because British audiences are strange.

quote by Andrew Eldritch
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I do not share the half-in, half-out attitude to the EU of some in Britain. Britain's place is in Europe.

quote by Peter Mandelson
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The Head Of Bran The Blest

I

When the Head of Bran
Was firm on British shoulders,
God made a man!
Cried all beholders.

Steel could not resist
The weight his arm would rattle;
He, with naked fist,
Has brain'd a knight in battle.

He marched on the foe,
And never counted numbers;
Foreign widows know
The hosts he sent to slumbers.

As a street you scan,
That's towered by the steeple,
So the Head of Bran

[...] Read more

poem by George Meredith
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I Walk To Shul After The Brit 5773

I walk to Shul
After the Brit
Tzom Gedaliah 5773-

What a good strong breeze
How light and young I feel
Fasting-

A New Year is beginning with many threats
What will it bring?

I pray it will be Life not Death-
It pray it will be Happiness and not great Suffering-

The breeze and the wind now
Enjoyable now-

In two hours the fast will be over
And I will begin another year -

[...] Read more

poem by Shalom Freedman
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Does Haughty Gaul Invasion Threat?

Does haughty Gaul invasion threat?
Then let the louns beware, Sir;
There's wooden walls upon our seas,
And volunteers on shore, Sir:
The Nith shall run to Corsincon,
And Criffel sink in Solway,
Ere we permit a Foreign Foe
On British ground to rally!
We'll ne'er permit a Foreign Foe
On British ground to rally!

O let us not, like snarling curs,
In wrangling be divided,
Till, slap! come in an unco loun,
And wi' a rung decide it!
Be Britain still to Britain true,
Amang ourselves united;
For never but by British hands
Maun British wrangs be righted!
No! never but by British hands

[...] Read more

poem by Robert Burns
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Interlude

(Phone rings once and answer machine picks up!)
Britney: Hey, whats up?
This is Brit and Im not in right now,
So do your thang, beep?
Ha, ha, ha
Im just kidding
(Tone beeps)
Guy: (Scuffs)
Yo Brit, youre a nerd!
You really need to change that message.
But I was thinking about that movie we saw the other night.
You know how she had all that fame and all that money,
But she still wasnt happy!
Wouldnt that make a cool song?

song performed by Britney Spears
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A British PHILIPPIC

Occasion'd by the Insults of the
Spaniards
, and the present Preparations for War, 1738.

Whence this unwonted Transport in my Breast?
Why glow my Thoughts, and whither would the Muse
Aspire with rapid Wing? Her Country's Cause
Demands her Efforts; at that sacred Call
She summons all her Ardor, throws aside
The trembling Lyre, and with the Warrior Trump
She means to thunder in each
British
Ear.
And if one Spark of Courage, Sense of Fame,
Disdain of Insult, Dread of Infamy,
One Thought of public Virtue yet survive,
She means to wake it, rouze the gen'rous Flame,
With Patriot Zeal inspirit ev'ry Breast,
And fire each

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poem by Mark Akenside
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Wars In Queen Victorias Reign

We will now sing in thoughtful strain
Of wars in Queen Victoria's reign,
The Russian Bear did ages lurk
All ready for to spring on Turk,
For Russian Statesmen did divine
That they should conquer Constantine;
But like a Grey hound after Hare,
The Lion did drive back the Bear,
And made it feel the British rule,
At gates of strong Sebastapool,
Then insolent was Persia,
Till Lion had to dictate law;
And while engaged in scenes like these,
He was attacked by the Chinese.
And for this outrage all so wanton
He then resolved to seize on Canton,
But soon there came a dismal cry
Of slaughtered Britons from Delhi;
The Bengal Tiger, sick with gore,
Did tremble at the Lion's roar,

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poem by James McIntyre
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Britain is not a country that is easily rocked by revolution... In Britain our institutions evolve. We are a Fabian Society writ large.

quote by William Hamilton
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Lines Written Extempore On Mr. Harley’s Being Stabbed, And Addressed To His Physician, 1710-11

On Britain Europe's safety lies,
Britain is lost if Harley dies:
Harley depends upon your skill:
Think what you save, or what you kill.

poem by Jonathan Swift
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There are no countries in the world less known by the British than those selfsame British Islands.

quote by George Borrow
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What Britain needs is an iron lady.

quote by Margaret Thatcher
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The battle of Isandhlwana

Shaded by a wild fig tree
where the Tugela river enters the ocean
representatives of British queen Victoria
demanded that the Zulus give up
their independence.

The Zulu king Cetshwayo
would never again send his impi
into battle against the Boer farmers,
but the British his impi would spear
and bash to death
and he ordered
his general Nishingwayo KaMahole Khoza
to halt the British invaders.

The Zulu commander remembered the battle
at Blood River well
where four hundred and seventy
Boer farmers fought
from behind their wagons

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poem by Gert Strydom
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If an army of monkeys were strumming on typewriters, they might write all the books in the British Museum.

quote by Arthur Eddington
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Appeasement For Adolf Hitler

The price of peace
appeasement
appeasing Adolf Hitler
will never work.

Was Neville Chamberlain
falling on his held sword
stalling an act to buy time;
or naive guillible ready...
to buy peace at any cost?

The British Prime Minister
left Munich believing
that in appeasing Hitler;
“he had assured
'peace for our time'”?

Both Britain and France
pursued a foreign policy
of political appeasement;

[...] Read more

poem by Terence George Craddock
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Were you to read the British press today, you would learn that the British Empire never forgets its defeats.

quote by Robert Trout
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The Great Three

At one time when the country was ruled by creul british
there came the Tremendous three
who were on mission to make our country free
they distributed templates
to stop their mission
the british called simon commission
they knew it was test of the best
against simon they made protest
but it proved them costly
as their leader was beaten by sticks
furious by their behaviour
it was time to teach british lesson
The officer guilty deserved the punishment
it was justice
After some days
once again the british at its creulity
for their pleasure
they were going with train of treasure
the Revolutionaries decide to do justice
they steal the train

[...] Read more

poem by Rohan Bendre
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The Battle of Waterloo

'Twas in the year 1815, and on the 18th day of June,
That British cannon, against the French army, loudly did boom,
Upon the ever memorable bloody field of Waterloo;
Which Napoleon remembered while in St. Helena, and bitterly did rue.
The morning of the 18th was gloomy and cheerless to behold,
But the British soon recovered from the severe cold
That they had endured the previous rainy night;
And each man prepared to burnish his arms for the coming fight.

Then the morning passed in mutual arrangements for battle,
And the French guns, at half-past eleven, loudly did rattle;
And immediately the order for attack was given,
Then the bullets flew like lightning till the Heaven's seemed riven.

The place from which Bonaparte viewed the bloody field
Was the farmhouse of La Belle Alliance, which some protection did yield;
And there he remained for the most part of the day,
Pacing to and fro with his hands behind him in doubtful dismay.

The Duke of Wellington stood upon a bridge behind La Haye,

[...] Read more

poem by William Topaz McGonagall
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Marriage On A Sunday

the man is albanian
we think he is British, bloody british they'd say.
at six feet five, his built is horrendous,
if horrible means the same as that,
broad shoulders, pluffy, peachy cheeks
glowing in Philippine summer. He is the groom.

the woman is a Filipina, chinky, brownish,
short, petite, too small for his huge kind of
affection, they call it love. she is a mere five feet
long black hair, small arms,
frail, she is beautiful and too innocent
for this kind of an important affair. Marriage.

Her chatmate finally now her groom.
Her saviour from poverty, and family honour.

It is none of my business really. But i have
doubts on this discrepancy.
Love, is this love? Can love bloom

[...] Read more

poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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The Battle of Inkermann

'Twas in the year of 1854, and on the 5th November,
Which Britain will no doubt long remember,
When the Russians plotted to drive the British army into the sea,
But at the bayonet charge the British soon made them flee.

With fourteen hundred British, fifteen thousand Russians were driven back,
At half-past seven o'clock in the morning they made the attack,
But the Grenadiers and Scottish Fusilier Guards, seven hundred strong,
Moved rapidly and fearlessly all along.

And their rifles were levelled ready for a volley,
But the damp had silenced their fire which made the men feel melancholy,
But the Russians were hurled down the ravine in a disordered mass
At the charge of the bayonet-- an inspiring sight!-- nothing could it surpass.

General Cathcart thought he could strike a blow at an unbroken Russian line;
Oh! the scene was really very sublime,
Because hand to hand they fought with a free will,
And with one magnificent charge they hurled the Russians down the hill.

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poem by William Topaz McGonagall
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